Let's face it...
we all do it...
we all judge others and their choices.
This judgment, couches our opinion,
and tries to convince others,
that our way is the best way.
It generally starts...
"If it were MY..."
I wrote this letter in response to the
overwhelming..."If it were my child..."
That I was getting from a school district,
in 1999.
Is this still relevant to the discussion today?
Maybe, maybe not....but here it is...
********************************************
"If It Were MY Child..."
Parents all over the U.S. are hearing this phrase in connection with their child who has a disability. Educators, from bigoted professors at prestigious universities to small, local pre-schools, are saying it. Health care providers, from physicians to tech support are saying it. Friends and family are saying it too.
"If it were my child...I'd have an abortion and get rid of the problem before IT becomes a problem."
"If it were my child...I'd put him in an institution and forget about him."
"If it were my child...I'd want her to be 'with her own kind'."
"If it were my child...I'd want to make sure he was in a class where he was closer to the same level as the other children."
"If it were my child...I'd find a really good sheltered workshop."
Would you please listen to yourselves? You might as well say what you really think:
"If it were my child...I'd want to snuff out his life before I had the chance to know him."
"If it were my child...I'd put him away where there was absolutely no chance for him to learn or grow. 'You bet, I'd definitely want him where no one I know would ever see him. I mean, really, what an embarrassment."
"If it were my child...I'd want her in a school room where she could never see or hear 'typical' children, because they'd know she's different, and heaven help us, she might start to act like 'them'."
"If it were my child...I'd never expose him to the joy and wonder of learning, of stretching and growing. I'd never expect anything of him because obviously he'd never be able to accomplish anything anyway."
"If it were my child...I'd get her a job she hates, that does not interest or challenge her to and make her go everyday. She doesn't need to feel productive."
Is this what you truly believe, that because a child has a disability they cannot be a productive part of society? That because a child has a disability he should be segregated from 'typical' children and then hidden away for their entire adult lives? Is this truly what you would want for your child? Take a moment and really stop to thing about what you are saying, and then ask yourself, if it were MY child, is this really what I'd want?
If it were your child you'd want what we want. We want choices for our children. We want them to be welcomed into classrooms and not have to earn the right to be there. We want professionals to realize that while they may have theoretical expertise, we, the parents, are the true experts on our child. We live with them we see their abilities, their growth, and the possibilities for their life. Possibilities that are limited by professionals who want their word to be "law" and don't want parents to question their decisions...even if the decision is wrong for the child. If it were your child, you'd question and disagree too. Too many times educators and health care workers see only the disability. They fail to see the child and the limitless abilities the child has. Please realize that our children are children first, and yes they may have a disability, but disability is not the only thing that defines them.
Our children need to be educated. They need to be educated with their friends and neighbors, the children they to church with, the children they play with after school, the same children they take swimming and ballet lessons with, or who are on their soccer team. 'Typical' children see children with disabilities and accept them, learn to care about them, watch out for them, and usually fail to see the disability. 'Typical' children will grow up and enter a diverse world where not everyone has the same talents and abilities, likes and dislikes. They won't work with all the same 'kinds' of people, why is school any different? Acceptance of diversity at a young age negates fear and prejudice. Isn't this, a lack of fear and prejudice, what we want for all children?
Our children need health care that is thorough, competent and free of prejudice. If our child needs glasses, we want them to have glasses, without your editorial comments about how 'glasses won't make him smarter.' If our child needs a wheelchair or walker or communication device, we want our child to have them. Our children need every apparatus, and every piece of assistive technology that will allow them to be more free and independent.
"If it were my child"...an oft heard phrase. Guess what? This is my child! I have hopes and dreams and expectations for my child...just like you have for yours.
This is my child...and I chose to have him and to love and cherish him.
This is my child...and I want him to be educated with his neighborhood friends.
This is my child...and I want him to work at something that interests and challenges him, and do something he enjoys.
Aren't these the same kinds of things you want for your children?
So, don't give me your opinion and impose upon me what you think you'd do for your child, because if the situation were reversed, and it were your child, your thinking would change, your expectations and acceptance of abilities would change,
In fact, your entire perspective would change and you'd want the best for your child too.
~Copyright 1999
All Rights Reserved~
*********************************************
It sounds like I was angry and indignant.
I was!
Shortly after I wrote this, our family relocated.
Our experience here has been light years apart
from the frustration of trying to include our child
in his neighborhood school.
In our new home, he was accepted and welcomed,
loved and his needs were put first.
However this is still a problem in many
areas. Many parents still feel this frustration
and need our support.
The next time
~ in whatever setting ~
you find yourself saying...
"If it were...."
Stop.
Ask yourself,
"Is that really what I'd....
or if the role were reversed, would I...
something different?"
Think about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment